Woman Now Technically Master Wordsmith After 10,000th Hour Crafting Text Message to Brian From Hinge

Molly Kessler
Molly Kessler
January 13, 2022

An awards ceremony will be held on Friday honoring 28-year-old Vanessa Rincon with the esteemed title “Master Wordsmith” after the veterinary technician marked her 10,000th hour of crafting a post-date text message to Brian from Hinge.

“No one knows more about the art of writing than Vanessa,” said roommate and co-author Lydia Paulson. “Word choice, punctuation, frequency of emoji use — she’s overthought everything.”

The literary scholar found herself in the world of scripted nonfiction after returning home from a date with sales rep Brian M. that witnesses have described as “incredibly platonic.”

“She opened the apartment door and immediately started brainstorming what to message him,” said Paulson. “I hadn’t seen her this dedicated to something since the last time she went on a first date and did the exact same thing.”

Friends of Rincon recount late-night texting sessions with the decorated writer in a group chat cataloged under the name “Brain Trust.”

“You could tell she was passionate,” reminisced Gwen Stanley, fellow vet tech and the group’s resident grammarian. “She’d send us drafts at 3 in the morning with messages like ‘HALP’ and ‘I know you’re probably sleeping, but I need to know if ‘Howdy’ is weird’ and ‘How many exclamation points is too many? 4???’”

Lucky for the awards committee, all of Rincon’s drafts, rewrites, and re-rewrites are documented in the Notes App on her phone.

And the resulting text is inspired: every word gives off a carefree, chill vibe while still interested and available. Mysterious but open. Flirty but completely detached. Like, she wants a second date, but she doesn’t need a second date.

“All I did was ask the question: Does this sound too clingy?” Vanessa told reporters. “And the rest is history.”

“But does it?” she said again after reporters turned away to do something else. “Does it sound clingy?”

While her work has garnered the attention of everyone she knows — except, of course, for Brian — Vanessa asserts that she won’t be done drafting the text anytime soon.

“An artist’s work is never finished,” she reflected. “Also, I feel like the semicolon makes me sound pretentious. Okay, we’re starting over.”

Brian was unavailable for comment as he was headed to the hospital for the birth of his second child.