**Co-written by Catherine Weingarten and Laura Ornella**
Remember bottomless brunch when Miranda said your ice-blonde extensions were on point? What about evening martinis at that tiny speakeasy in SoHo with Darren when he complimented your leopard skin kitten heels after only fake crying once about it? Times are a lil sad right now, but you can replicate those good mems at your very own Virtual Happy Hour! Here are some tips so it’s not completely lame!
DO: Dress Up
Time to raid that closet and pull out your hottest half of an ensemble! If you’re not wearing your low cut mesh crop top in baby blue and big glasses to match then why the F did you even attend this virtual happy hour? You need to come off fresh and stylin’ on the top half, even if you’re actually wearing your man’s boxers on the lower half. Have some self respect gurl and don’t wear your Scooby Doo pajama set in front of real people! (Cough, Brittni)
DO: Drink a Moody Drink!
Your drink choice says a lot about where you stand during this pandemic! You don’t want to come off as shallow and inconsiderate. Is drinking a margarita or a blackberry caipirinha really the right move right now? Remember,this is “Happy Hour,” not “I’m Happy It’s A Pandemic Hour.” Opt for something a bit moodier but airs on the positive side like a whiskey sour with a Purell float or a cosmo with a Lexapro-salted rim. Those drinks are appropriate during this time, trust me.
DO: Keep The Group Small
Invite with intention! Keep the invite to 8 or fewer of your coolest friends. A virtual happy hour should be an exclusive and sacred hottie quarantine event. Consider only accepting friends that have had two or more national print campaigns under their belts or have some #cute quarantine selfies with at least 2k likes. I didn’t invite Kathleen, who is all bummed because she still hasn’t received unemployment and has to begin selling off her personal possessions, because blaaaaah..just not a fun vibe, ya know?
DON’T: GO THEME-LESS
Virtual Happy Hours thrive best when there’s a reason for gathering. Just pick a fun theme like Snowglobe or “Money Makes Me Happy” for everyone to get on board! Last week, my friends and I chose ‘Ahoy Matey, I Single!” as our theme when the USS Comfort rolled in. Kayla Rae wore a skanky sailor outfit and stole all of the attention, though 🙁
DO: Snack Coordinate!
A fun way to delude yourself into thinking that you are all in the same room is to coordinate your snacks! If everyone has an adorable bowl of diet chia seed popcorn and organic free range chocolate glazed mango slices-its like you are all together when that wasn’t a hazard to public health. Munch on your mango slice and breathe deep. Try to be #grateful you have this time with your gals and that you didn’t give yourself drunk bangs like Leanne did.
DON’T: Mention The Pandemic
Do whatever possible to not talk about the pandemic even If this means you have to go into a 5 minute long tangent about how BB Mac needs to make a reunion tour, then so be it. You do not have to give in to your friend’s bummer ways! If Emleigh even mentions her new reality- just laugh and throw a cosmo at your laptop to get her to shut up.
DON’T: Cry During the Call
It’s true it’s #sad that you can’t touch things and people anymore but this is a Zoom Happy Hour! Even if Prozac, ice cream and three glasses of Cab Sauv are all you’ve had to eat everyday for the last week, make sure you’re presenting yourself as sunny, sexy and sassy before you hit “show video”. When Sasha started crying about her pug Snowflake who is immuno-compromised and was sent to live with her parents, we legit kicked her out of the Zoom meeting. Sorry, Sasha, good vibes only!
So, there you have it, Virtual Happy Hour 101; the most poppin’ tips to having the perfect digital gathering! You are a Quarantine Queen and deserve to be seen!