Growing up in the 2000s, it didn’t seem like the world could get any worse. Between the war criminal president and Wall Street mortgage conmen decimating your parents’ bank accounts, things just had to get better. Right? Well, looks like it’s time to tell your inner child “tough shit,” because this country is a pile of hot garbage, and all the Victoria’s Secret bombshell perfume in the world can’t get rid of the stench!
Anyway, here are some wacky #throwback memories to distract yourself from the fact that the Supreme Court and several state governments want to #throwback to a time when you didn’t have basic rights.
- Razr Phones
Remember when you had to press 555–666–555 to text “LOL”? Also, remember how now, in some states, people can press 9–1–1 to report someone for having an abortion?! Or to report parents of trans teens?! (Maybe we as a society should have just stopped before we got to phones?) AHHHHH
2. iPod Shuffles
It took forever to search for a song on these! Speaking of unreasonable searching, did you know SCOTUS recently decided that law enforcement no longer needs a warrant to perform searches within 100 miles of the US border?! That includes almost every major city! I don’t think this is what Miley Cyrus was envisioning when she said, “it’s a party in the USA.”
That wild early internet platform where you aired your innermost thoughts for the world to see. You were always sooo worried that Mom and Dad were gonna read those entries! Kids these days will never understand, because they’re too busy worrying that the government will read their period tracking apps and use it as legal evidence against them. Welcome to hell!
I NEED CONTROL OVER SOMETHING. ANYTHING. EVEN THIS DAMN 8-BIT RABBIT/FROG CREATURE IN A LITTLE PLASTIC JAIL. GIVE ME SOMETHING I CAN PROTECT. (On a side note, these things were actually incredibly hard to keep alive. But it was all worth it to experience a shred of agency!)
5. The Rainbow Parachute Game
The last time you were part of a successful collective organizing effort.
It’s not too late to try again, though. The world may be a disaster, but if we all sit on the parachute together, we can create something beautiful… AT LEAST UNTIL THE PLANET BURSTS INTO FLAMES. FUCK!