“‘I am bad.’ ‘I am a mess.’ The focus is on self, not behavior, with the result that we feel alone.” -Brené Brown
“My hairstyle is called ‘I tried.’” -Albert Einstein
Our language of mess dictates our reality, placing us into categories of those who are tidy and those who are hopeless. But this is a myth. You are not a messy bun — you are a bun who made a mess.
Yes, you are tousled. Your hairs go every which way — up, down, into a bunch of loopies. Is that a braid in there? Maybe! You have constructed a veritable labyrinth of interlocking knots and crosses: these hairs are load-bearing, those ones are barely hanging on. It’s the Wild West up there! But to say you are messy implies that you cannot change.
Countless buns have been pigeonholed by the idea that they ARE the mess they have wrought. But mess does not define you. You are not scraggly; you have scraggles. You are not scruffy; you have beautiful scruffs. You are not effortlessly casual; on the contrary, you actually took a lot of effort and were very hard to get right.
When we take on these negative identities, we close ourselves off from the possibility of anything else. What if you find hairspray in the cabinet? Will you turn it away? If you run out of bobby pins, will you give up and just be a weird, droopy ponytail?
Of course not! You are innovative and unpredictable! You make messes. After all, you’re only human. Kind of. You’re part of a human. Dead skin cells? I think that’s right.
Naysayers may scoff and say, “Why can’t you be more like a ballerina bun?” “What about a braided top-knot?” “What’s stopping you from becoming those little Mickey Mouse buns that Miley Cyrus wore at the 2013 VMAs?”
They do not see the bun you are, only the bun you are not, and you will kill yourself trying to please them.
You’ll stuff a sock inside you and lament, “Am I poofy enough to be loved?” But the answer will always be “no,” because putting a sock on your head is never the solution.
You, alone, are enough. And believing this is what will give you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable, and imperfect. And floofy.