I’m not like other girls, I’m different. I’m quirky and weird, and take things a little too far, but in a cute way. So when all of these articles and stats about the wonders of walking 10,000 steps a day were published, I immediately thought,
“How can I up the ante, but in a cool way that proves I’m better, stronger, and smarter than everyone else who deigns to wear a Fitbit or Apple Watch and brags about hitting their 10,000 steps goal?”
And so, my journey of 100,000 steps daily began because 10,000 steps is for schmucks. Here are eight things that happened to me over this month-long journey.
Hacks were developed quickly
Because 100,000 steps is approximately 50 miles, I realized I had to stop doing things like sitting, working, or wasting any excess energy talking. Being a mover became my identity. Nothing else mattered. My days consisted of me waking up, eating, walking, eating, walking, and then sleeping (with the occasional bathroom break, of course). It became a meditative loop, it’s almost romantic, isn’t it?
“You can never take too much care over the choice of your shoes. Too many women think that they are unimportant, but the real proof of an elegant woman is what is on her feet.” — Christian Dior
Why do anything if you don’t look cute? What got me out of bed on my best AND my worst days were my Women’s Skechers GOwalk Air-Twirl shoes. With these bad boys, I conquered the pavement and my bunions. I’m not ashamed to say it, Sketchers made me, what Christian Dior would call, an “elegant woman”.
I realized that my therapist truly cares
When I introduced this challenge to Denise, she immediately became concerned for my well being. While she was strongly advising me not to embark on this journey, I could tell she was only saying “no” to in fact, give me that extra push I needed to succeed. You don’t think I can do this Denise? Oh I will, just you wait! You’ll regret the day you ever questioned my methods! She now lets me call her anytime of day, beyond our scheduled appointments. That’s how invested she is in my life, don’t you love it?
My dog started to hate me, and then ran away
In adopting this lifestyle, I thought it would be beneficial not only to me, but to my basset hound, Sylvester. However, Sylvester had a different idea. In the beginning, our walks were perfect, a girl and her dog taking on the world one step at a time. But even Sylvester had a breaking point, and carrying him halfway through my fifty mile walk started to become too much. It got to the point where he would flinch when I grabbed his leash. Then, one morning I woke up to find Sylvester had disappeared. He ran away in the night, never to be seen or heard from again. But it’s fine, I’m fine. I deserve better than someone who’s just going to take off in the middle of the night when things get tough.
My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me
Walking 100,000 steps a day exposed my support system for what it truly is: a lie.
Slowly but surely, all of my friends and family stopped reaching out to me after I told them that talking was wasted energy, but what hurt the most was when my girlfriend left me. Apparently I wasn’t meeting her needs because I was gone every day (walking, no doubt) and at night didn’t engage with her at all. I would literally come home, eat a block of organic extra firm tofu out of the carton, chug a gallon of water and gatorade, and then go to bed immediately without even looking in her general direction (so as to not waste any energy turning my head, or focusing my eyes on anything other than the prize). I was tied to bigger goals outside of our relationship. It’s her loss really. You have to latch onto the people who support your dreams, and Grace was not supporting mine. I’ll say it again, it’s her loss, but Grace, if you’re reading this, I still love you! Please come back, let’s start over. I’ve changed, I promise!
I lost my job
Sacrifices needed to be made in order to meet this daily goal, so when I stopped showing up to my zoom work meetings, and failed to answer emails or calls, I was fired. You know what I say to that?
“Fine by me!” The economy has never looked better, and if walking 100,000 steps a day has taught me anything, it’s that nothing is impossible.
On a completely separate note, if any of you know of any companies looking for a professional pet food taster, please let me know.
I broke my hip
You may think this severe injury is the downside of 100,000 steps, but really it’s not! Injuries are beautiful because they are simply reminders to not take the little things for granted. When I broke my hip, it only prompted me to remember the fragility and unpredictability of life. It’s quite poetic, really.
I started smoking crack
Now, I won’t lie, I was finding it difficult to be motivated towards the end of the month. My hip was in severe pain, my ego had been bruised, I had no friends, and my dog was gone. That’s when I realized I needed an extra little kick to get me back on track, and so, I started smoking crack. Immediately I was awake again. I felt like I could do anything, and walking had never been easier. I was suddenly…happy. I was excited about the world and it’s endless opportunities! I plowed through those last days with the confidence and strength of 15,000 stallions.
I lost weight!
And of course, the one and only question that really matters, “Did I lose weight?” And the answer is, yes! Walking 100,000 steps a day caused my body to go through a massive change, and I gotta say, the crack cocaine only helped in the end. In one month I lost 165 pounds! It really just fell off. I now only weigh a whopping 11 pounds and 6 ounces. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve never felt better about myself. In attacking this journey, I became a doer. I changed my life, and you can too! If Covid-19 has given us anything, it’s the gift of time. Use it wisely, and you too, will do great things.