Inspiring! This Polyamorous Woman Dates 3 Assholes

Hannah Rehak
Hannah Rehak
August 29, 2022

In an inspiring story out of Chicago, Molly Reynolds is living her best life dating three unique people who all also happen to be assholes!

“I’ve never been so fulfilled by my romantic life,” says Molly, whose primary partner, Jonas, is just as unlikeable as her girlfriend, Adelaide, and as unpleasant as her friend with benefits, Aspen.

“It’s so great not having to rely on one person with all my emotional needs,” says Molly, who spent all of Saturday convincing Jonas to go to her sister’s birthday party with her like he had promised, only to have him say, “Can I just go next year?”

When asked about her girlfriend Adelaide, Molly was quick to list what makes her so special. “She’s so smart and cool! She’s the kind of person who knows every lyric to, like, every song!”

We asked Adelaide to tell us about her favorite band, and she replied, “I don’t agree with the premise of that question, but I guess right now, I’m really into Hür.” Upon our blank stare, she exhaled from her vape and followed up, “You don’t know them? They’re the most important band that came out of Berlin’s underground experimental lesbian punk scene in the spring of 1988.”

When Molly isn’t spending time at home on the couch with Jonas or out at concerts with Adelaide, she makes time for a casual thing with Aspen, a 46-year-old barista and “creative entrepreneur,” who is somehow always unreachable by phone.

“Aspen’s great! Their parents are these really high-profile corporate lawyers, but they totally carved their own path and did things differently. After going to NYU for film, they were like ‘fuck the system,’ and decided to live off the grid in a tiny home they built with their trust fund just outside the city.”

According to Molly, things in her romantic life could not be going better. “Each one of my partners keeps me on my toes and challenges me to be a better, more patient person! The only weird thing is none of my friends are ever able to hang out with us. There’s no explaining it!”