Wow! This New Realistic Dildo Puts Its Own Pleasure First

Stav
Stav
August 25, 2021

Miss hooking up? Skip the dating apps and get straight to the disappointment. That’s right, the new PleasureX TruAct dildo is here to give you the whole experience!

And by that, we mean it’s gonna cum before you do.

“We have several options for which kind of shitty man-like experience you prefer,” says PleasureX salesperson Arielle. “We know there are a lot of ways men disappoint their sexual and romantic partners, and we wanted to portray such lived experiences in the diversity of our new dildo collection.”

And the customer reviews for the product are pouring in. “I missed being disrespected by men,” says somewhat satisfied PleasureX TruAct dildo customer Annie, 23. “But this dildo feels kind of good, yet it’s also rude and pouts when I don’t reply to its texts within five minutes. Feels like real life!”

“:(((,” says Annie’s dildo, unprompted. “:-((((((((.”

Others are finding the TruAct dildo to be a little too reliably disappointing“This dildo seems to be busy every time we’ve made plans and cannot be trusted to make a single dinner reservation or honestly complete any task in general,” says another PleasureX dildo owner, Alex, 29. “So that is very accurate to real life in my experience with men in that sense,” she added. “Thanks for reminding me, PleasureX!”

The new PleasureX collection includes the following TruAct dildos. Order all of the colors and styles for the entire spectrum of poor sexual experiences!

Red dildo: Cums before you and then stops. Doesn’t go down on you either. Fairly predictable fuckboy shit, recommended for beginners and those who just want to be mad about something.

Blue dildo: Refuses to define the relationship. (Yes, you have asked. Really, you are not wrong, you have in fact been pretty good about communicating your needs this time around, and it’s not you.)

White dildo: Will complain about condoms. Maybe will wear one or two specific brands that it will not arrange to buy, so you have to buy them on your own.

Green dildo: Just not very good.

Orange dildo: Is fiscally conservative (biggest one though, honestly like really satisfying).

Silver Dildo: Harasses you on Twitter.

Pink dildo: Hits on your roommate.

Even experts agree (kind of) that this dildo is good for anyone seeking an underwhelming experience from men. “I don’t see the need for re-inventing the wheel,” says Women and Gender Studies Professor Dr. Sweeney. “Men who are bad at sex and everything else already exist in real life. Please go outside.”

Try one of these deluxe sex toys today, and be authentically underwhelmed at your own convenience! Batteries not included.