Rejectress Submission: Jessica F. Lillian

Jessica Lillian
Jessica Lillian
August 31, 2020

I’m Not Racist — My Cat Is Black (Thoughts)
Twist on the “black friend” excuse trope
…Luna is all black, except for her four tiny adorable white mittens and a patch of fur on her chest that’s sort of dark gray but sometimes black depending on the light. I think. I honestly don’t even notice her color most of the time.

Aww! This Sexual Harasser Still Keeps in Touch With His Female Ex-Colleagues
…Despite leaving Marketing Pro Systems more than three years ago, McDonough still finds time to support the young women by privately messaging them about their appearance on multiple social media platforms. What a loyal guy!

Five Cute Nail Polish Colors That Say “I Support Moderate Police Reform But Not Defunding”
… 
Essie “Bikini So Teeny”: A classic periwinkle! Perfect for a summer pedi and retweeting a sensible infographic about how we really need to ban police chokeholds that have already been outlawed in your city for decades.

Inclusivity Win! This Yoga Studio Just Added a Plus-Size Buddha Statue
Statue and cultural appropriation spun as “progressive”
… Amid a sea of XS Lululemon pants, the chubby ceramic figure makes a powerful body positivity statement.

“I think his fat tummy is super cute and bold!” said instructor Kayla Shane. “And we should all honor our tummies by coming to my ab-shredding detox vinyasa class at 9:30 a.m. on Saturday mornings.”

REPORT: Mom’s Latest Costco Trip Definitely Non-Essential
Adult children investigate necessity based on purchases mentioned in family chat
…“She claimed she needed hummus, but I’m pretty sure she bought that box with like 50 little packets two weeks ago,” daughter Liza Howell noted. “She said she went during senior hour and wore a mask, but like, why even go?”

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