Wow! This Woman Uses Doodle Polls To Schedule Hookups

August 4, 2022

by Stav

Local woman Shelby, 25, grew tired of Andrew’s weekly response of “Next week things really free up; let’s shoot for then,” when inquiring whether they would actually meet IRL outside of their late-night Bumble conversations. Now, thanks to the power of the Doodle poll, he shamefully puts a check mark by when he’s free, along with all the other men Shelby is fucking.

“I got tired of the midnight “wyd” text. Half the time, they fall asleep right after they send it anyways. So, using Doodle polls seemed like the logical remedy,” Shelby explained. “Now I can see who’s serious about sex, and it seems to be working out. I got laid once last month, and it was all thanks to Doodle.”

“Doodle actually doubles as a resume-builder. We even have a certificate program for men that successfully complete and stick to their Doodle appointments,” says LinkedIn spokesperson Jennifer Stanton, 47. Stanton leads the company’s new Sex and Dating Division, a demand literally no one made for LinkedIn but just appeared one day. Stanton says, “Doodle usage showcases communication, scheduling skills and taking initiative. We also give bonus points to the men who show up and follow through with the deed. This drive is exactly what employers are looking for.”

“It’s kind of humbling to see your name on this Doodle hookup list with like ten other guys,” says Joey, 27. “At the same time, only two people have taken the time to actually fill the poll out. Guys, she literally couldn’t make the logistics of this any easier!”

“Is my online data sold to third parties when I fill out this Doodle poll?” asked one of Shelby’s poll participants/hookups, Zach, as if his concern doesn’t apply to every single website. “I care a lot about my online privacy. Please respond.”

At press time, Shelby declined inquiries about whether the “David” she is fucking, according to the Doodle poll, is also her best friend Allison’s boyfriend. We’re second-hand nervous for everyone involved, but at least the backstabbing is nice and organized, thanks to Doodle!