Why Mommy Has Been Cursing At The Evening News: An Explanation By Schoolhouse Rock!

Marriya Schwarz
Marriya Schwarz
November 18, 2020

Dear Parents of America,

We get it: You can’t even build up the courage to tell your kids that Santa isn’t real; how are you going to explain to little Betty and Bobby that the core institutions they have been taught to accept are corrupt? Well, from the makers of “Conjunction Junction: What’s ANYONE’s Function?,” “Do the Twist and Don’t Be a Racist,” and “6 Feet Away, Grandma’s Okay,” Schoolhouse Rock! has your back to explain all things 2020. Things have definitely changed since 1998 and we’re back with a new VHS recording (hopefully you still have that old VHS player; it’s our medium of choice!) and a set of lyrics so that your little Antifa child can sing along!

Happy family friendly activism,

The Schoolhouse Rock! Team

“Presidential Minute (UPDATED)”

It has been four long years
(But it feels like eight)
Mommy’s been drinking lots of beer
And Daddy moved out of the States!

Last we met, we told you that the people choose the president
After they spend time campaigning and being on news segments
(Or some skip ’cause they don’t like health being made a guarantee
And though they do pitch a fit, they still get time on NBC)

But sometimes the president gets picked
Against our wishes, even if our states turn blue
They’ll call it unfair — call it rigged
Hey, kids, can you spell “coup”?

The states to look at are the big ones with huge populations
Those used to be the ones with the power to win the elections
You’d think right? That this would at all matter with Biden’s lead gaping?
But not the case at the Four Seasons — well the one for landscaping

Even though it’s “We the People,” the vote will go off to the courts
It’s 2020; who’s still lending democracy their support?
The Press Sec’ll say Mommy and Daddy’s ballots don’t matter
Between where he’s winning and losing, we should stop counting the former and keep counting the latter

There’s no valid evidence
Even Fox News is not convinced
Dora the Explorer’s been drinking a lot of wine
Hey, can YOU find Mitch’s missing spine?

For the other races, the results they will surely take
But though it’s on the same page, the presidential one is fake
It’s America second, Donald first; Georgia, please come through
Kids, everywhere, say it with me now: It’s C-O-U-P. Coup!