Postponing Computer Updates? Welcome To an Empty Life of Crushed Dreams and Bitter Regret

McKayley Gourley
McKayley Gourley
April 30, 2021

Unable to shake the dread felt when procrastinating updating her Mac’s operating system, local woman Leanne Stone realized this wasn’t the only thing she was pushing off until an indeterminable “later” date. Stone confirmed Tuesday that she had become reliant in her use of the “Remind Me Later” function on her laptop — an ideology that soon defined the rest of her life.

“It all started because I genuinely enjoy using macOS El Capitan,” said Stone, adding that the operating system made her feel like she was “el capitan” of her 2014 Macbook Pro, a feeling of power and control she so rarely felt in her everyday life. “It made me feel like I had control over my own destiny, I wasn’t just a slave to Apple’s relentless timeline of debilitating system updates and inane product releases. So, I postponed updating to the macOS Sierra for as long as possible, but the “Remind Me Later” function on those system update notifications quickly became a dependency, a fleeting high, a drug I couldn’t live without.”

Stone said she first realized she had a problem when, in her rampant dismissal of notifications, reminders, and even alerts, she failed to realize it was Free Donut Wednesday at Dunkin’ Donuts.

“This was so out of character for me — I love donuts and not paying for things. It was a true moment of reckoning: I had to take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask myself, ‘Is this really the person I want to be? Is this really the type of life I want to lead? And most importantly, is this really how a DD Rewards member would conduct oneself?” Stone explained.

From that moment on, it became abundantly clear to Stone that “Remind Me Later” had become a theme for her life. Her computer might as well have displayed the option as “Remind Me At The End Of My Life As I Lay Decaying On My Deathbed.”

In short, her existence had devolved into a mess of deadlines postponed and dreams forgotten. “After the donut thing, I hit a real low point. I realized my life had become nothing more than a spinning carousel of snoozes, delays, and remind-me-laters. And at the center of it all, me, the burning sun of my own hellish galaxy with everyone else enjoying free donuts.”

In the end, the problem was solved. “I simply updated the system,” Stone stated. “Honestly, it took like 10 minutes; I just scrolled on my phone during it.”