Help! Rich Friend Honestly Doesn’t Know Where to Buy Cheap Clothes

Taylor Sikorski
Taylor Sikorski
April 15, 2021

A Brooklyn friend group was left in disarray following a “Looking for Recommendations” post on Facebook. Local rich friend Cookie Carpenter authored the post in question, which first caught the attention of mutuals when they noticed their rich friend asking where to buy cheap clothes.

When one of Cookie’s poor friends came across the post, she thought that Cookie could just be trying to pretend to look poor, like the time she took a bite of Taco Bell to impress Mike from that crust punk band. “I first met Cookie in a screenwriting class,” said Penny Fitch, a friend who now works as a valet at the hedge fund Cookie’s father owns. “She was obsessed with studying the ‘rags-to-riches’ arc and would always rent dingy warehouses to throw huge parties in and only serve cheap beer as ‘research,’ so I thought this could just be her cosplaying again,” Fitch added.

“I noticed something was off last week when Cookie brought home a bag of Pizza Rolls, but after today’s post, I’m worried something might actually be horribly wrong,” said poor friend Sandy June, who met Cookie in a bathroom stall at one of Cookie’s famous warehouse parties back in high school. “I felt called to offer my expertise in this area, so I commented on the post. It was the least I could do after all the free drugs she’s given me.”

“As a poor person, I never realized how privileged I am to have access to the knowledge of knowing where poor people shop,” said Iris Pickerdale, who was Cookie’s maid growing up. “We can use that privilege to truly help someone. What if she’s been kidnapped, or even worse, cut off by her parents?”

The poor friends left a cascade of comments sharing insider knowledge for their struggling friend. “Goodwill, Salvation Army, and Forever 21 if you feel frivolous” were among the most popular suggestions.

The community effort, however, came to a screeching halt when Cookie responded with a comment, “Thank you all for the recommendations — I have literally never heard of any of these stores. However, I ended up just going to Balenciaga because I’m familiar with the store layout, so it’s a less stressful experience for me.” Her therapist left a care-react emotion on the Facebook response.

When reached for comment, Cookie responded, “Honestly…I wanted to make sure I fit the vibe for Burning Man. But I just couldn’t handle the stress of wearing cheap clothes — not to mention the ethical issues of fast fashion. Buying designer clothes is honestly so much more sustainable when you think about it. However, I promise to use the intel my poor friends provided me as character development for my upcoming screenplay.” #upcycle