Fraud? New Report Confirms Noted ‘Einstein’ Albert Einstein Didn’t Even Know HTML

Gabe Downey
Gabe Downey
May 17, 2022

MANHATTAN (PROJECT) — In a shocking revelation sure to rock the world of academia, Theory of Relativity author and noted intellectual Albert Einstein did not even know how to create a website using basic HTML code — the foundational coding language for website building.

In the blockbuster report published in the Sioux Falls Sun Bee Homeowner’s Association Pamphlet (published quarterly when they remember to do it), Association treasurer and ‘undecided voter’ David-Arne Ruderman indicates he came to the groundbreaking conclusion while brushing up on the bomb-building section of his Anarchist Cookbook. The text includes a few sentences about Einstein’s work with death-bringer Robert Oppenheimer, which David-Arne was reviewing in preparation for his attendance at the upcoming Mike Lindell presents ‘My Memories of Donald’ Rally and Tradeshow in Butte.

“I knew I was onto something when the three sentences I read confirmed my long-held suspicions: Just like the Kung Flu vaccine, there is absolutely no evidence that Einstein’s fancy degrees and Jewishness made him anything but a fraud,” David-Arne asserted. “Heck, even I code my own Q-Anon website. Have you seen my visitor counter? Now that’s some Einstein shit.”

Believing his discovery belongs to people of the anti-science movement, Ruderman reached out to the alma mater of his roommate’s uncle to continue the research.

“We looked through Einstein’s notebooks and were frankly shocked to see absolutely no mention of HTML,” commented Brooks Enola-Gay, amateur conspiracy theorist and Theater TA at Northwestern Southern Central University at the Western School of Performing Arts in Arizona at Tuscon. “It was all ‘split the atom’ this, ‘quantum mechanics’ that. We were hoping for at least one doodle of<ahref=””> in the margins, but it just… wasn’t there.”

News of the glorious toppling of yet another giant of culture spread quickly among those who relish in the downfall of otherwise decent people — mostly on Reddit.

“Well, well, well — Mr. Einstein is just another old white cuck who is full of shit,” proclaimed Reddit user PickledPrickle in a post in r/StoptheSteel — a subreddit dedicated to anti-Periodic Table sentiment. “Albert claimed to be some kind of genius yet didn’t even know how to resize a picture or edit frames on his site? The cuck probably used Wix.”

How this discovery will change history’s perception of Einstein as an ‘Einstein’ is not quite clear. Requests for comment from the Nobel Committee have gone unanswered.