Fall of 2020 brings a new show starring a remarkably beautiful upper-class white woman, centered around how she just can’t seem to hold down a guy who owns a headboard. And because it’s 2020, our mostly male writing staff has inserted their feminist beliefs into the character’s personality!
The woman, who is as thin as she is considered average by the rest of the cast, will hold a job that requires her to eat out at least five times per episode in the gentrified neighborhood she lives in. We think this is relatable.
She’s smart, unlike her innocently unaware male roommates, co-workers, or friends (more on that later…).
She’s extra sarcastic, AKA says “men are trash” at least three times in a half-hour episode; she’s successful (but not too successful), and she’s even funny, especially when she’s angry. Did we mention she likes IPAs and wears a lot of awesome tank tops? Cool, yeah.
Obviously it goes without saying that she is straight. There will be one episode about her more “wildcard” sister who is bisexual.
Also, we still gave her enough traditionally feminine qualities to make her likable. For example, she will bake obscenely perfect red velvet cupcakes when she is stressed, gently mother the other male characters, and more than anything, look hot all the time even when she isn’t wearing lipstick, but in a way where she doesn’t know that she is.
Before you start getting worried about “diversity” or whatever it is you Twitter wokes babble on about, we want you to know that we’ve cast over ten Black, Brown, and Queer people* in the show to play the following roles:
- Definitely her co-worker
- Maybe her boss
- A best friend who only lives to give her advice
- Another best friend from childhood who shows up in one episode
- A different best friend who has an ethnic wedding for our white character to attend
- Yet another best friend who’s actually an enemy
- The guy she dates for half an episode
- The wildcard bisexual sister we mentioned before
- Two background characters who give her advice on a train
*Disclaimer: All the actors will still be light-skinned enough to be white-passing.
We want to emphasize that the plot is cool and all, but the main character is fuckable and that’s kind of the whole thing. We asked 15 straight guys and they all said “yeah I would definitely hit that,” so we know for sure.
Here at Netflix, we are never going to stop until we achieve our dream of producing every piece of content ever, or until we run out of snarky names for them.
That’s why this show will be titled something silly and referential like “Twenty-Something” or overly self-aware like “Another TV Show Where A White Woman Is Bad At Dating.”
We’re excited to announce that this show has already been nominated for three Emmys.