Bushwick Area Hipster Oblivious To Pandemic

Laura Ornella
Laura Ornella
July 24, 2020

By Laura Ornella and Baylor Knobloch

Bushwick hipster Layla Rogers prides herself on living an alternative lifestyle that leaves her disconnected from society. “I’m kind of a homebody since I earn most of my money from my bathtub kombucha business and repairing old typewriters; but every once in a while, I see people walking by wearing face masks, and I can’t help but wonder: Is that some sort of lame fashion statement that’s taking over the city? I don’t follow mainstream trends, but I imagine it’s like when wedge sneakers had their moment back in spring of 2013. Wow, so glad I’m not a sheeple.”

In her warehouse loft on McKibbin St., cluttered with crystals, dying plants, and the occasional tallboy can Rogers says she “doesn’t keep up with the news,” and that she prefers more romantic modes of communication. “When I need to get in touch with someone, I fly a carrier pigeon to their doorstep, or I just holler into the wind. It’s been working well for me, so far. I mean, what am I missing out on anyway? The coolest new Instagram filter? No thanks! It’s all one step away from mind control, so Orwellian.”

After attempting to visit her favorite café yesterday, Rogers began to wonder why so many places were closed. “It’s nice that the neighborhood hasn’t been so cluttered with tourists and posers lately, but all the cafes have been closed for months. What’s up with that? I can’t find any places to write my slam poetry, plus I would really like my decaf double shot mocha latte with oat milk.”

When told about the life-threatening virus that’s caused a world pandemic, Rogers was quoted in saying “Omg…Obama should probably do something about that, it sounds like kind of a big deal.”