5 Juicy New Wikipedia Sections To Be Included on Celebs’ Pages

Elyza Halpern
Elyza Halpern
July 19, 2021

Due to the popularity of Wikipedia’s “Personal Life” section on celebrities’ pages, the website has decided to add some even juicier sections with the information you really want to know. New salacious sections include:

1. Deleted Tweets

They tried to hide them, but much like herpes, a deleted tweet is never truly gone. Whether it’s an insensitive joke or an unhinged 3 a.m. rant, someone on the internet has a screenshot, and you can now conveniently find them in the new “Tweets of Shame” section.

2. Public Apologies

Have you ever read a successful person’s Wiki page and been like, “what am I doing with my sad life?” Well, now you can make yourself feel better by scrolling down to a comprehensive list of times that person has had to awkwardly say, “Sorry everybody, my b!”

This new section is conveniently sorted into three sub sections:

  1. Notes App Disasters, 2. The Ones that Were Clearly Written by a Lawyer, and 3. YouTube “I’m Sorry” Videos Using Auto-Generated Thumbnails (Seriously YouTubers, start giving your apology videos’ thumbnails more *pizzazz*).

3. Things they didn’t go to jail for but probably should have

Sometimes, you’ll read a Wikipedia page that truly inspires you, and then that inspiration is immediately crushed when you later find out that the person you just read about has assaulted 300 people and also likes to throw chairs at interns.

Save yourself the emotional roller coaster by checking the new “Why Isn’t This Person in Jail?” section before becoming personally invested in a public figure. In this section, you’ll find a list of horrific actions that had previously been scrubbed from the celebrity-in-question’s Wikipedia page by an army of PR professionals.

Also, if you’re wondering, yes, each Kennedy’s “Why Isn’t This Person in Jail?” section will link directly to every other Kennedy’s “Why Isn’t This Person in Jail?” section, because Jesus Christ, that family is connected to a lot of dead girls.

4. Other famous people they kind of look like when you squint

This one’s self-explanatory.

5. Who they endorsed in the 2020 Democratic Primary

Party affiliation? BORING (and usually obvious).

Primary endorsements are way more mind-blowing. Did you know that Nicolas Cage endorsed Andrew Yang? Or that Judge Judy endorsed Mike Bloomberg? Well, now this and more “that’s-weird-but-kind-of-makes-sense” conversation starters are right at your fingertips, in Wikipedia’s newly minted sections!