Pineapple Cake Emoji = This conversation annoys me, so instead let’s talk about pineapple cake cause that is yummy!
Asleep Sloth Emoji = I’m running so late eee! But I can buy you a turtle or something if you’re that upset about it.
Princess Unicorn Emoji = You got this job interview, gurl! You are hot yet also mythical and royal-seeming!
Black and White Rainbow Emoji = You are naïve! The world is darker than you think, and now I’d like to transition this conversation into the existential meaning of living. Should we live in a world of no rainbows, no joys? I think yes. Please buy me ice cream with hot fudge and sprinkles and Twizzlers ASAP because I depressed.
Flying Hot Fudge Sundae Emoji = Ditch whatever you are doing and help me find a sundae. I’m extremely serious.
Gold Watch Emoji = Buy me this or I dieeeee.
Gloria Steinem Emoji = I love you as much as equality for all, betch!
Mona Lisa Emoji = Are you happy or sad because I cannot tell, and you stressing me out!?
Laurence Olivier Emoji = You are drama 24/7, like, why don’t you recite a monologue from Romeo and Juliet because that is how crazy drama you are 24/7.
TV + Ice Cream Cone Emoji = Stop whatever you are doing and come to my apartment to watch the show everyone else is watching that we should have been watching and now we behind on society.
Flying Poop Emoji = You are dumped. This is a symbol of me dumping you and you flying away nicely without stealing my hairdryer (again!).
Princess Gymnast Crying While Twerking Emoji= It’s ok to cry because you dreamed too big and it didn’t work out! Starting your own life coaching business for dolls sounded like a good idea at the time.
Bearded Man = I’d like to date a bearded man.