Bold New Summer’s Eve Scents To Get You Through Quarantine

Amanda Brennan
Amanda Brennan
July 7, 2020

Summer’s here, and it’s time to wash your hoo-ha!

We know that you won’t be making many fun summer memories this year, and we wanted to help. That’s why we’re bringing summer to you, and by you, we mean your vagina.

That’s right. Summer’s Eve is releasing six scents to give you the summer experience we know you miss, all packed into a delicious, barely-FDA approved formula.

A Family Barbecue at Your Great Aunt Jen’s House

Ah, family gatherings in the summertime. The smoke coming from the grill! The faint smell of booze wafting off of Uncle Jim, even though he told everyone that he wouldn’t be getting sloshed at these things anymore! We know some weird, sad part of you is going to feel nostalgic for dysfunctional family events, so we made a vaginal wash that smells like cooking meat outside and explaining to your religious relatives why you are still single.

Picking a Bunch of Fucking Daisies

This smells like the summers of yesteryear: daisy chains, sleepovers, and only knowing what a pandemic is in the broadest sense. You can never be a child again, nor bask in the innocence of living in a world that is not constantly verging on apocalyptic disaster, but you can make your vagina smell like a bunch of fucking daisies. We drew our inspiration from the famous Lyndon B. Johnson ad of that cute little girl standing in a field of daisies, without a single care in the world. How innocent, how precious! We hope nothing bad happens to her.

Being an Influencer Who Is Somehow Still Going on Vacation

This is what your vagina would smell like if you were the girl Harry Styles wrote “Watermelon Sugar” about. You might not have spent all day outside on your Parisian balcony, eating watermelon and smoking hand-wrapped cigars, but your vagina sure did! This smells like both having enough money to holiday in the south of France and lacking the awareness that might prevent you from posting your sea-filled photos on Instagram. Magnifique!

Random Liquids In the Public Restroom at the Pool

Is it pee, or is it water? You don’t know, and you don’t want to find out! This scent smells like the five minutes you spend in the bathroom stall at the swimming pool, trying to tug your wet bathing suit over your hips. In this summer scent, we have worked hard to capture the feeling of anxiously wiping your whole body down with the crappy single-ply toilet paper that leaves bits and pieces of tissue everywhere because you are unsure of what is really pee and what is not.

Being Trapped in the Car with Your Family After Going Through a McDonalds Drive-Thru

Local travel bans have given the axe to your family’s summer road trip plans. We know you were really looking forward to being squished in the backseat of your mom’s van, fighting with your brother over which movie you’ll play next in the DVD player. That’s why we made this scent, which smells like the salty, greasy smell of regret that attaches to literally everything after you eat McDonalds in the car. This one pairs nicely with our “Shitting Yourself to Death at the Next Rest Stop” scent, which comes out in August!

Going to the Farmer’s Market and Buying a Single Over-Priced Tomato

On a Sunday in July, you should be putting on your flimsiest cotton dress, your flip-floppiest sandals, and the most Grace Kelly-esque sunglasses you could find for $12.99 at Target to head over to the local farmer’s market. This scent takes you right back to the summers long ago, when your weekend plans were so much more quaint than eating Fritos for breakfast and avoiding the news. Our scientists worked hard in the lab to make sure this one smells just like buying an iced coffee, sweating through your natural deodorant within the first hour of being outside, and the ripe, juicy skin of the single over-priced tomato you inevitably end up buying out of guilt.

As always, the people at Summer’s Eve are dedicated to presenting you with a much better option than confronting reality. We hope you enjoy!