With dental costs on the rise, general teeth maintenance is becoming increasingly difficult in the U.S. — even with insurance! Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Here are 5 paintings to steal from the Louvre to help you cover the cost of your upcoming minor dental procedure.
The Raft of the Medusa
French Romanticist Théodore Géricault painted this tragic and historic shipwreck while studying cadavers to accurately depict the human body’s internal bone structure…which is fitting since after you steal it you can use your loot to pay for x-rays of your mouth bones!
Oath of the Horatti
Jacques-Louis David combined many Neoclassical elements to converge in this painting, creating a dynamic composition! Composition is a great term to think about as you purloin this painting and use it to pay for the composite bonding/filling your broken tooth so desperately needs.
Liberty Leading the People
Eugène Delacroix celebrated the struggle of the French Revolution in which the underclasses overthrew an out-of-touch elite from abusing their power. Smuggle this masterpiece out of the Louvre, and just as Liberty extracted the poor from the barracks, you can finally extract those wisdom teeth!
The Mona Lisa
Leonardo da Vinci was a man of science and reason, so he’d probably be fascinated at our advances of dental care but perplexed by the cost. And besides, since the Mona Lisa didn’t show her teeth in that famous smize of hers, she probably wouldn’t mind if you pawned her to pay for those partial onlays.
Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres made a controversial stylistic choice, as the figure depicted would have about 3 to 5 extra vertebrae based on the length of her torso. A reviewer snarked that this painting had, “no bones, nor muscle, nor life, nor relief,” — but you’ll finally get some debt relief when you lift this off the wall and sell it to pay off your weird dental loan you had to take out to get that high-powered tooth cleaning your dental office insisted would keep your gums from receding!
Good luck! And remember, stealing famous paintings is a high-stakes venture. When running away with your loot, be sure to protect your teeth!