4 Seasonal Starbucks Drinks To Remind You That Everything Is Temporary and History Crushes Everything in Its Path

October 6, 2021

In time, all things will be swept into the dustbin of history.

Soon enough, the inevitable, all-consuming void will include you and everything you have ever known and loved, all gone and forgotten. Forever. That includes the seasonal five-dollar Starbucks drinks that you’ll still buy anyway.

It’s not only the short-lived nature of these limited-time-only drinks that remind us of our mortality. Starbucks, too, will be gone someday. Even your cat will succumb to the temporary nature of its existence as history relentlessly marches on, smothering every single creature, place, and event into a sorry state of irrelevance.

Seeing as there’s nothing your foolish, baseless little existence can do about the overt and blatant meaninglessness of all life, you might as well enjoy these seasonal Starbucks beverages while they, and human civilization, still last.

Pumpkin Spice Latte: Ahhhh, the beloved PSL. Try to enjoy it in all its sweetness as you may, but it shall soon be gone, just like any other Pumpkin Spice Latte you impulse-bought last fall. And the fall before that. And every fall for as long as you can remember. Indeed, even the drink’s acronym will be long forgotten in due time. But, hey, this latte goes great with maple leaf cookies, breakfast sandwiches, or mediocre second dates at the fruit farm, so why not go ahead and enjoy the five minutes you’ll spend drinking it?

Peppermint Mocha: It’s the holiday season, and you’re yet again wondering what to buy your dad who has no hobbies, personality, friends or even basic interests after 60 years of the one life he will ever have. Even though nothing matters in this already pretty sad arrangement, the annual Peppermint Mocha can remind you that while generally fucked up, late capitalism is at least consistent in its offerings and can even be tasty, too! (If it has to be).

Iced Pineapple Matcha Drink: Instead of describing this drink, we’re using this space to explain that while we do mean everything is temporary, you’ll still have to pay off your student debt. Sorry!

Kiwi Starfruit Refreshers: Enjoy this popular summer beverage all summer long! … Wait, summer is already over and you did nothing again, as usual. But don’t worry: when it’s all said and done, every season, and, in fact, every single waking moment, is just a mere blip in the timeline. Give it just a little bit of patience, and you’ll have another just-as-meaningless summer on the horizon for these refreshers! In any case, this drink is mostly ice anyhow.

There are more seasonal Starbucks drinks we didn’t get to, but they’ll all be long, long gone one day as well. Pointless. Useless. Futile. Just like our own lives, hopes, and dreams.

Well, actually, maybe the Starbucks cups themselves will still be around in landfills for the rest of eternity? But yeah, otherwise, things are looking pretty pointless.

Maybe it’s time to make coffee at home today instead.