4 Brandy Melville Tops That Say, ‘Sorry, Sweetie! But Age Is More Than Just A Number’

November 7, 2021

Looking to dress like you’re a fun, hip person who has their whole life ahead of them? If you want to shop at Brandy Melville, hopefully you actually are all of those things!

Let’s be real here: you can pretend all you want with your “forever young” bullshit elsewhere, but Miss Brandy is not fooled! Be 19 or go back to Old Navy, senior citizens.

That’s right, here are some Brandy Melville tops that will make you feel bad, really bad, about the fact that your body changes as you age. If you’re looking for body positivity, try the feminist club instead.

Enjoy shopping with us, and remember: one size fits most people who we consider to be people.

Beyonca Crop Tank: Turn 22 and try fitting into one of these fuckers and taking it off again without ripping it… Oh holy shit, it ripped already! Well, we aren’t liable for this — you aren’t 16 anymore.

Alexis Halter: One size fits most when it comes to this halter top, and by that, we mean we hope you have a 25-inch waist and a 32-inch bust (we will be measuring at the door)! If not, then 🙁

Tiffany Tank: This tight and honestly pretty uncomfortable tank goes great with the low-waist jeans we’re planning to bring back soon. That you’ll also buy from us. You weren’t alive back in 2003 to wear them then, right? Right?!

Skylar Lace Ribbed Tank: This ribbed tank knows you were in marching band in high school. It wants you to stay away before its reputation, and potentially our whole brand’s reputation, is ruined forever. It does NOT want to stick tight to your skin. It needs younger, more beautiful blood. Aéropostale still exists, you know? It’s two shops down, you should try it!

Still considering wearing one of these tops even though Brandy Melville thinks you’ve been dead to them, demographic-wise and potentially actually, since 2013? Get your retinol ready, kittens, and shop away before they figure out you’re old enough to vote!